


Postcards from the Edge of the Universe

by Galadriel



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Criticism, Gen, Humor, Metatextual, Parody, Postcards, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-05-23
Updated: 2002-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-22 19:31:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galadriel/pseuds/Galadriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Answer to the M_A Postcard Challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bloody Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Does anyone else think it's odd that _Postcards from the Edge_ happens to be on television while I'm writing this?
> 
> _**Aug. 8, 2013:** Another set of old fics, written for a specific Master_Apprentice challenge, and uploaded here for completeness' sake._

Postcard Image: A white border surrounds a chaotic and primarily red picture in which blood cells crowd together. Across the bottom right-hand corner in very tiny white lettering is the following: Wish We Weren't Here.

To: The Force  
c/o Blue Ghostie Qui-Gon Jinn  
The Universe

From: Midichlorians  
Anakin Skywalker's Bloodstream  
Jedi Temple, Coruscant... Theed, Naboo... Mos Espa, Tatooi... Aw, forget it.

Dear F,

Have been steadily gathering strength, but starting to think this is bad idea all around. Thought Chosen One would be much more sedate. Suffering from motion sickness -- some of us are considering going ABWOL (Away By Way Of Limb). Send help.

Love,  
M


	2. Swampland for Sale, Cheap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answer to the M_A Postcard Challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One or two sentences shamelessly, er, "liberated" from a piece of junk mail I received this week.

Postcard Image: Birds with leathery wings are caught in flight across a thick bank of towering trees. A misty pond is in the foreground, and a small boat with a sleeping fisherman floats just out of reach of the tangle of vines and roots that flank the water. If you squint a little at the image, a tentacle of some kind appears to be snaking out of the pond and into the boat. "An Investment In Paradise!" is emblazoned across the bottom in looping emerald letters.

To: Occupant  
Jedi Temple, Coruscant

From: Dark Cave Domiciles  
Dagobah, Outer Rim

Dear Occupant,

It's never too early to think about your retirement. Whether you're 80, 800, or 8 000, Dark Cave Domiciles has something for you. Set in the breathtaking Dagobah rainforest, DCD offers a myriad of options for the active retiree.

Your leisure lifestyle is as unique as you are. At DCD you'll have the opportunity to watch wildlife from the relative safety of your front yard! Enjoy swimming, hot tubbing, snorkelling, scuba diving, boating, water skiing, water polo, and fishing all year 'round, or just fall asleep listening to a gentle rainfall. It's always spring on Dagobah.

Conveniently located in the Outer Rim, our swampside resort has been thoughtfully crafted to meet your every need. All the amenities you could ask for are here, from ample parking and laundromats that are just a step away to fabulous landscapes and natural saunas. Whether you are looking for a weekend hideaway or a second home, DCD will delight you.

In order to avoid disappointment, call today and book a viewing while lot selection and prices are at their best.

\-- Homeowners' Society, Dark Cave Domiciles


	3. The Mountains Are Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answer to the M_A Postcard Challenge. Yoda tries his hand at an old joke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bad at recreating Yoda's speech patterns, I am.

Postcard Image: An icy mountain range rolls away into the distance. There is a dark cave opening in the foreground, and a little green troll, who is well-wrapped up in a parka, grins and makes a "V" sign at the camera. The blue text at the top of the card reads: Ilum -- Your Winter Wonderland!

To: Yaddle  
Jedi Temple, Coruscant

From: Yoda  
Crystal Cave, Ilum

The mountains, here are. Beautiful, wish you were.

\- Y :-)

***

Postcard Image: The central spire of the Jedi Temple, jabbing at the skyline.

To: Yoda  
Crystal Cave, Ilum

From: Yaddle  
Jedi Temple, Coruscant

Joke, stupid it was. Grammar, bad yours is!

Stop sending postcards, you will, or your green behind, the Council will tan!

\- Yaddle


	4. The Sole Survives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answer to the M_A Postcard Challenge. The real reason Obi-Wan suggested landing on Tatooine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shamelessly filked from more junk mail. I should stop reading the stuff. Don't know what "FM boots" are? Join the Master_Apprentice mailing list, and you're sure to find out.

Postcard Image: Sand. Lots and lots and lots of hot sand. ...Oh, yes, and in the foreground is a satisfied looking man with long hair and a beard, clad in a poncho and FM boots. He's grinning widely and showing the footwear off to the viewer. Emblazoned across the top of the card in big, bold, black letters is the text, "Peace. Honour. Savings."

To: Obi-Wan Kenobi or Occupant  
Jedi Temple, Coruscant

From: Watto's Warehouse,  
A Division of Watto's Junkyard  
Mos Espa, Tatooine

The Boot Event of the Season.

Bring in this card and get an extra 20 credits off your purchase of steel-toed stompers, sandals, sunglasses, 'sabres and shifts totalling 999.99 credits or more. Or save an extra 10 credits on a total purchase of 599.99 or more. We have a huge selection for everyone in your Temple. But hurry, this offer is good only until Boonta Eve.

*One coupon per Jedi. Cannot be combined with any other offer; your Jedi mind tricks won't work here.

Guaranteed Best Price Every Day: Show us the identical item selling for less and we'll go over and beat their slave.

Special Offers: Join our e-mail list and save even more at wwarehouse@wattosjunkyard.me.tat


End file.
